9 Month Photo Shoot

Trying some different looks to practice for my photo shoot...and coaching daddy in the proper wearing of the fedora

      It's that time again - time to update my portfolio with more recent pictures of my handsome self.  I really just wasn't feeling it this time though....I've gained a lot of weight and just wasn't comfortable in those shirt off shots anymore.  Mommy says babies are supposed to have big bellies, it means they're healthy, but I disagree.  I think the "percentile" standards doctors use are WAAAAAY off and are contributing to obesity in America.  Parents hear "Oh no my child is only in the 15th percentile for his weight!" and start stuffing him with more food than he actually wants or needs, which will lead to poor eating habits later in life.  Yet when a doctor says, "My what a big guy, he's in the 80th percentile for his weight!", with a SMILE nonetheless, parents are thrilled.  Well I for one am not liking this "healthier" body of mine. 

         How to fix it....more crawling, less vegetables.  I mean let's think about this logically....I looked great when I was on my all-liquid diet, so I can only assume that fruits and veggies are not as good for you as people claim.  Don't get me wrong, they are great for adults.  Let's look at the facts - I eat fruits and veggies, my tummy grows HUGE.  Mommy eats fruits and veggies, her tummy grows smaller.  Therefore something must happen between babyhood and adulthood that results in your body changing the chemical make-up of said fruits and veggies to make them less fattening.  If only I could have mommy's age and metabolism....**"Are you kidding me?!  Take that back! Take it back right now young man, you don't know what you're saying!"  Sorry mom, but you can't hide the truth any longer!**

Man-Time

   Daddy took me to my first football game last night, and it was so awesome I slept through the entire game!  (In case you didn't catch that, the part about the game being awesome was indeed sarcastic.)  First of all, it wasn't Auburn football.  Second of all, who decided that tight, butt clinging pants were acceptable for men to wear when playing a supposedly manly sport?  Nothing is manly when done in tights!  I don't care if you call them pants, they're tights.  Forgive me if I would rather sleep than watch a bunch of grown men run around a field in girly outfits, pretending that throwing a ball really far and tackling the other guys really hard makes wearing said outfit less humiliating.  But that's ok guys, tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night. 
   The highlight of the night was most definately the fact that I got to spend it with daddy.  I did not receive my root beer or my turkey leg (dang you mommy!), but daddy fed me spinach, pea, and pear puree, so I guess that makes it ok....

Bundle Up!

  Ok people, it's COLD.  I don't mean a little chilly or slightly cool, I mean COLD. But I would be fine, were it only cold in temperature.  It's not that.  It's the icy, biting, fierce, brutal, bone-chilling wind.  I don't know what the wind is like everywhere else, but here it really does go straight through your body.  I supposed I'm more porous than I thought.  So to combat this cold snap, I have found a strikingly adorable blue bear bunting.  When looking for clothes, it is important that they be both functional and fashionable, and I feel that this bunting has it all.  It says, "I'm the cutest thing you've ever seen," and "Back off wind this kid's mine!"  I says it pretty loudly too, and with this hood on it kind of reverberates on my ear drums....
   And tonight this suit shall come in extra-handy...I'm going to my first football game!  WHOOOOO!!!!  So excited.  I'm going to eat fried turkey legs and drink root beer! *What mommy?  No root beer? What about the turkey leg?  NO TURKEY LEG EITHER?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  You know what mommy, you are really cramping my man-style.*

A Tragic Day

  Well folks, it seems that all my pleading for people to do the right thing was to no avail.  I cried for a while, hiding under my excersaucer, but I'm feeling better now.  Mommy said that God is something called "sovereign", which she said means He is in control of everything, so she said that even though we can't possibly understand why, Obama is supposed to be President right now.  She said that God is a King, which makes Him more powerful than a mere President.  So do not fear everyone, no matter what happens, those of you in Christ are spiritually protected, regardless of what may happen to your earthly bodies under any President's term.  I'm quoting mommy greatly here, because I really don't understand much about God just yet.  But I'm learning everyday!  For example, yesterday I learned that God created something called "gravity", and no matter how many times I throw the book off of the rocking chair, it will always fall down!  I tried 12 different books - all the same results.  I find it highly amusing. I may need to do it again today for a few hours....it's good therapy for my sad and frustrated little heart.

Vote vote vote!!

   The time has finally come.  Today is the day we vote to put America back on track!  Although actually I'm not sure it ever was "on-track" as it were, but at least we can get it in the general vicinity of the tracks.  Of course what good is it being near the tracks if you aren't on them, because obviously you can't get anywhere, but perhaps if we move closer and closer to the tracks every 4 years, eventually we'll be close enough to kind of fall onto the tracks, and slowly be dragged along until we're stable enough to actualy center ourselves on the tracks.  Now sing with me, to the tune of "I've Been Working on the Railroad":

We've been working on America,
all the live-long day.
We've been working on America,
since 1778.  (*Side-note - I'm pretty sure the first two years were just mass chaos so they don't count.  Besides, it rhymed.)
Can't you see our doom is coming,
if our President we don't exchange.
Vote to get rid of Obama.
We don't like his "Change"!

Weekend Warriors

      What does two whole days + mommy + daddy + no studying allowed + the most adorable baby in the world equal?  Greatest. Weekend. Ever.  I took daddy to bible study, on a very very very long walk, out to dinner, got my new foster brother or sister's room ready, and as an amazing ending, I stood up!  Daddy was laying on the floor playing with me, and I used him as leverage to pull myself up!  I know what you're thinking...."What a guy!"  Yes.  I know. 
       I can't wait for my new foster brother or sister to come!  Mommy said it may be another couple months still, but that we've done everything we need to; we have to wait on a bunch of other places to return paperwork to the foster care people.  They are pretty much researching everything about our past, present and future. But I'm not the one holding everything up; I've only been here 9 months.  It's mommy and daddy's billions of years that are taking so long!  I'm glad I'll never be that old.  I hear you can stop at whatever age you want when you're a grown-up.  I know it's true because I've seen women that have to be at least 45 tell people when asked their age, "Oh I'm 36."  That's funny....you were 36 last year, and the year before that, and the year before that....

Try and Stop Me Now!

   I feel it is now time to officially break the news....I am a crawling fiend!  I crawl here, I crawl there, I crawl up and down the stairs (ok not really....but it rhymed).  I crawl over, I crawl under, fast as lightning, loud as thunder! (because I'm so excited!).  I'm like a spider-monkey.  Or even better, a pirate-monkey!  I crawl around, plundering and pillaging whatever I find.  Arrrrrg! 
      One thing I don't understand....now that I can go where I please, mommy keeps trying to hinder me from doing that!  I mean if you don't want me to play with all those books and movies on the bottom shelf, why are they there?  And if I shouldn't eat that piece of lint on the floor, why haven't you vacuumed it up?  I know I know - "I can't vacuum every day!  And there's no where else to put those books."  Blah blah blah. 

High Standards

    I have just spent the last 8 hours helping mommy clean.  I'm exhausted!  I can't believe I cleaned that long!  Mommy just kind of wandered the house trying to look productive, but I had to do everything.  It probably would have only taken maybe three hours, but I have very high standards.  No dust, dirt, grime, or filth allowed on any surface, be it cloth, wood, enamel, tile, etc.  If a speck of anything resembling dirt is found, I take no responsibility....I've done my share. *"You call crawling around on the ground playing with a coaster cleaning?!"  Hush mommy!  I was buffing the floor and being a human lint roller!*  So sorry, you know how mommy likes to interject now and then.  I think I need a nice, long bubble bath, with some Epsom salt to ease my poor, aching muscles.  *No mommy!  I get to go first!  Turn that water off unless you're running it for me missy!*