Today (and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next) We Feast!

 My 2nd Thanksgiving has come and gone, yet all the food is still here.  Perhaps I cooked too much.....

       We ate and we ate, and had I taken an "after" picture of our spread, it would have looked the same as the before picture....I'm pretty sure the recipes I used were meant for at least 6 people.  I was only cooking for Mommy, Daddy, and myself.  And that cranberry nonsense on the table shaped like the can itself?  I take no responsibility for that.  That was all Daddy.  I made the homemade cranberry sauce in the Pyrex container, which Daddy ended up eating more of because it was so much better than his gelatinous goop.
     And for those of you who finish Holiday meals only to go back to a kitchen that looks like the Tasmanian devil cooked in it, this is how a kitchen should look before you sit down to eat.....

And no, I didn't make Mommy and Daddy wait to eat while I cleaned; this was all done mid-prep (*No Mommy I am NOT bragging! I'm merely pointing out that Holiday meals can be stress-free when all you have to do afterward is put away the leftovers!*) I will be offering my professional cleaning lessons and services in about 3 more years.
      I also made a pecan pie, and brownies, not pictured here.  And of course my famous non-alcoholic (because Mommy said pregnant people can't have alcohol) homemade mulled cider....not bad for my first time huh?  Man, some woman is sure going to be lucky when I decide to marry her!

Merry Maid

      As a part of my never-ending quest to make Mommy's life a breeze, I thought I'd pitch in and vacuum.  Not as easy as it looks my friend.  That hose thingy to clean drapes and corners and such?  Forget about it.  A hopeless cause.  The thing is a wiggly snake that bends and folds and flops around until you finally fling it away in frustration.  I bet the brave little toaster's vacuum friend was never this rude to him.
      I can push the vacuum just fine; I'm amazing at that.  So little bro, whenever you arrive, you will have dust and dirt free carpets on which to lay.  Just don't look at the curtains (or couches....or molding....or stairs.....)

Breakfast Brooding

  Know where the oatmeal on this spoon wound up?  In my belly.  Ha!  You thought I was going to say "on the floor" or "on the dog" or "all over's Mommy's face" or "under a microscope slide to check for parasites."  Please.  Ok the last one maybe a possibility.  But do you honestly think that I would throw food anywhere?  You think I would make a mess for my poor dear pregnant mother to clean up?  I'm hurt.  I'm more than hurt.  I'm appalled and shocked.  You cut me.  You cut me deep.

Let Sleeping Babies Lie

Whether tis nobler in the aisle
to suffer the slings and arrows
of judgmental looks as I sleep
upon thy shoulders,
or to shuffle off this mortal body into the buggy...
to sleep,
to sleep
perchance to dream
aye, there's the rub.

Good old Hamlet.

Baby Blues

 I'm tired.  I'm worn out.  My back hurts.  I have heartburn.  My belly is huge.  It seems like no matter how much I eat I'm still hungry.  I can't sleep without multiple pillows (unless I've been taken on a 3 mile walk as in exhibit A to your left....)  I can't wait til my brother finally comes so these sympathy pains can stop.  Man, growing a baby is hard.

Crazy Train

   Mommy and I walk at the mall a lot, but for some reason unknown to me, she has never let me ride this amazing train until just the other day.  Maybe it's because Daddy got to go with us, and she was trying to trick him into thinking she lets me have fun (just kidding Mom!  You're a blast!). Or maybe it's because Daddy is a big softie and wanted me to ride the train.  Either way, this thing is awesome, and I will never sit nicely in my stroller while we walk at the mall EVER AGAIN knowing that this thing is here.  I wish to be taken straight there, and left to ride.  You're a big girl Mommy, you can walk by yourself.

Uninvited!

  Mommy LEFT ME AT HOME last night with Daddy to go a party being thrown for my little bro. He isn't even here yet! Why should he get a party?  He can't dance (although Mommy argues he does), he can't eat cake (Mommy again argues he can....I think this whole pregnancy thing really is robbing her brain cells....), he can't say thank you.  I mean he can't even functionally interact with the guests!  What's the point?  I remember the last party thrown in my honor, but will he remember this?  Nope.  Not a chance.  And on top of that, I was supposed to go, and then Mommy uninvited me!  Mommy tried to make me feel better by claiming I got one too when I was his age, but I have no recollection of this.  And then Mommy came home and painted a picture just for him.  No Mom, I don't care that you painted a picture AND did 80 miniature watercolors for me before I was born.  We are talking about now, not then.  But I'm not bitter about any of this....I hope I haven't given that impression.  I'm fine....just....fine.....

Bosom Buddies (But No Dresses!)

  Wanted to give a shout-out to my buddy.  He's boycotting food as well, and even managed a nice expectoration in my honor.  We planned this about a month and a half ago....I told him back then I wasn't feeling all that well (I tried telling Mommy then too, but she didn't listen as well), and he said that whatever I go through, he'll go through.
   But friend, I am willing to let you out of that bargain now.  You can eat again.  It won't hurt my feelings, though I appreciate the empathetic gesture.  You're a good friend.  Don't ever change man.

Coach MLS

  Mommy has been sitting on her birthing ball a lot lately, so I've been sitting on mine too in order to express my empathy and prove what a great birthing coach I'll make.  Personally, I feel that Daisy's cage is the best place in the house to labor next too.  You can sit on the birthing ball and have the physical support of the cage to lean on, and have the emotional strength of Daisy too.  What more do you need? Why I bet my bro could just pop right out under such favorable conditions.  No? You disagree?  Eh what do you know.  I'm an actual baby.  I know how these things work.

"In Rebellyon"

      Nope, all's clean in here.  I had thought perhaps the root of my stomach issues might be found in the state of cleanliness or lack thereof of the pots and pans.  No such luck.  Spotless as usual.  Darn my insistence on cleanliness in my house.
     My stomach has decided to swear enmity against me again.  Oh well, in better news, I get to go see a special doctor to figure out what's going on.  You remember that awesomely epic bead table post from a few months back?  That's the doctor's office I get to go to.  I am psyched!  Maybe I'll even get to see the doctor who talks with a funny accent (but don't they all these days?  What mom?  Oh sorry.  Mommy said that was inappropriate.....) and uses the complex medical terms that he thinks Mommy understands just because Daddy is in medical school.  Don't worry Mommy.  I'll translate for you.

"Hunger...the Hungry, Hungering, Hunger"

        Well hello appetite!  I suppose for today I shall let you return and we'll see how you treat me.  We have now enjoyed two meals together today.  Mommy is super excited to see you as well.  I'm not saying I've made peace with you or that I've forgiven you for making me eat things that hurt me, and then deserting me, but I will allow you a few more chances today to redeem yourself.  If you do well, maybe I'll let you come back again tomorrow.
         Horton's appetite has returned as well.  He's back to his regular diet of sausage and rice chex.  Don't judge.  You know elephants are herbivores, and I know elephants are herbivores, but Horton doesn't....

Holiday Heavylifting

  As we approach Thanksgiving and Christmas, I would like to urge you all to remember to still take care of your body throughout the holidays.  Now I know not everyone can do as many pull-ups as I (and with a smile nonetheless), but there are many other things you can do to keep your body in tip-top eating shape.
   Oh you thought this was going to be a post about not overindulging, and continuing an exercise regimen throughout the holiday season?  Um....no.  This is about taking care of your body in order to accomplish maximum stuffage.
   First, you should take the next few weeks to hard-core diet and exercise.  I mean go all out.  Crunches to keep the stomach muscles in tip-top shape to enable max stretching, push-ups to keep up your turkey carving and fork holding arms lean and mean, and some long-distance running to help the lungs learn to cope under stress (such as, say, the stress of eating one too many pieces of pecan pie, thus inhibiting breathing capabilities).
    This way, you will not only be able to go up against even the biggest holidays spreads without having to throw in the towel, but you can look the same after all this indulging as you did before the pre-indulging exercise.  Nothing lost, but nothing gained either.

Dog Eat Dog

Ah yes...this is me.  Innocently getting ready for my very first "trunk or treat" Halloween candy madness.   I know....I was one cute pup.  Unfortunately about 20 minutes later I learned the meaning of the phrase "sick as a dog" when I expectorated all over my costume on the way to my buddy's house.  To him, I deeply apologize for leaving him to celebrate this wondrous day of candy alone.
However, there is an upside to being sick...
popsicles!!!!  It's ok Mom...I know you're really worried about me and ready to figure out what's going on, but if I have to eat popsicles as meals for the next few years, I'm ok with that.