My first tooth is coming in. I don’t remember much of my birth, but I know it could not possibly have been as excruciating as this “sharp, calcified projectile, ripping and knifing it’s way through my soft, inflamed gum tissue” (thank you Danny Tanner). It wakes me up at night, it randomly starts throbbing during the day, it consumes my every thought. Only when I eat does the pain ebb, but mommy won’t let me eat all day long. Today at daddy’s school, because a teething ring not readily available, daddy thought gnawing on a cold carrot might help….thanks dad, but this is what I think of your carrot…
If this is what getting all my teeth will be like, I’d rather just skip it and get baby dentures. All the old people in the commercials for Polident seem to really enjoy them. I mean what could be more awesome? You don’t even have to brush them! You just pop them out and toss em’ in a glass with fizzy stuff. But then again, I don’t want all the other babies with teeth thinking I’m a wimp or something…maybe instead of dentures I’d rather just get them all in at once. I would be like the ultimate macho baby to withstand such pain! Every girl under 4 months for miles would want to be in my playgroup! I’m liking this plan…
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