Potty Break

  Many babies do great things - things that make their parents proud, things that are advanced, things that make their parents' lives easier.  Of all these things, the best gift a baby can give his or her parents is the gift of using the big potty.  And I, MLS, age 9 months 3 and one half weeks, did on this day, November 30, 2012, go poo-poo in the potty. 

   No, no....no need for praises.  It was really no big deal.  I just did what any 3 year old can do.  Except that I'm only almost 10 months, but really it's no big deal.  (*Mommy, really I don't need a solid gold crib as a reward.  Cash is fine...yes I suppose I can accept a check.*)  I don't think I shall do it again any time soon however.  I believe there are certain trials, certain tests of character, that parents should be required to go through.  And if I start using the potty regularly this soon, mommy and daddy will miss out on a lot of character building opportunities.  Being the loving, considerate son I am, I shall continue to play the part of the needy baby until I feel that they have reached their full parental potential. :)

America's Next Top Model: Baby Edition

  Mommy told me never to tell anyone this, but she watches America's Next Top Model when it comes on Hulu.  Shhhhhh! Don't tell her I told you!  So anyway, I happened to notice a commercial following the very last episode of this season that said they are currently casting male models for next season!  I'm a shoo-in!  I mean look at this face!  Look at these poses!  I could teach Tyra a thing or two!  Now, which shots should I submit?  These?  I've got the side-profile and a head-shot, and then they say you are supposed to have a swimsuit shot, but I'm sure diaper will work fine.

Oh no....I just read that there is an age requirement.  :(  Whatever Tyra.  I'll do my own show - America's FIRST Top Model Baby.  I'll be the star of course, bound to win the whole thing since I'll select mommy as a judge, but I'll have to have some other babies compete just to make it look fair....

Must...Have...Sleep

                     I don't know why I've been so tired lately....I guess it's all these sleepless nights I've been having.  Mommy doesn't seem to feel any sympathy for me, but merely whines about how tired she is.  Does she not know it's not my fault that I can hear Daisy scratching in her cage downstairs?  And it's her fault that I usually hear her bedroom door open and close when she goes up to shower, then the shower going on and off, and then I hear the door again whenever Daddy goes to bed after studying.  And sometimes I hear the washing machine beep to say it is done; other time I hear the ravens in our back yard slamming against the back door window (which I fine extremely creepy and disturbing).  I mean could you sleep with all that racket?!  I think not.  So please my friends, find it in your heart to grant me the sympathy I do not receive here, and should I fall asleep at your house or social function, forgive me.  It doesn't mean that I'm bored (well maybe it does....sometimes....depending on the event.....), just that you have a peaceful, quiet domicile that is soothing to a weary soul such as mine.   

Stand Up!

I know, I know.  You are incredibly impressed with what you see right?  No, your eyes are not deceiving you, I really am standing all by myself (with a LITTLE help from the table...hardly worth mentioning...).  It's very addictive....once you stand up for the first time, you just can't stop.  How can I bear to waste time crawling around on the floor, when I can stand up and see so much more!  Mommy and Daddy are a lot taller than they seemed before....even Daddy.  Mommy seems to be very tired lately though; some nonsense about how her arms are tired from having to catch me so many times a day and keep me from cracking my skull open, or something like that.  PAH!  I need no safety net!  I'm a man!  All I need are these two feet, and maybe a table here and there....

Destruction!!! Ba-ha-ha-ha!

Hide your movies and books!  Cover your open cabinets!  It's the MLS monster!!!!  Muah-ha-ha-ha!  Nothing is safe from this diabolical master of destruction!  He leaves no drawer unopened or rug unturned!  Toys cringe in fear and exhaustion!  Mass chaos trails behind him! He is an organized mommy's worst nightmare!  Color-coded shelves and closets beware!  BEWARE!!

 (**MLS takes no responsibility for inspiring any acts of demolition by any fellow vertically challenged youths who may read this.  MLS will not compensate you for loss of property.**)

Thanksgiving Aftermath

   Oh dear....I think I ate too much....

I tried squash, potato, and peas, all not pureed, and well.....it didn't go so good.  I may or may not have regurgitated them all back up into my bib.  I wanted to take a picture for you all to see, but mommy wouldn't let me.  But overall I think my first Thanksgiving was a success.  I didn't quite make it through the main meal before I was down for the count, but who among us hasn't fallen asleep during dinner?  I've been told that today is something called "Black Friday", where we all go shopping for hours and stand in really long lines.  This doesn't sound pleasurable to me, so perhaps I shall sleep some more throughout this excursion.  Daddy said he'll sleep too.

Thanksgiving? You Shouldn't Have! :)

  Mommy says we are about to celebrate Thanksgiving.  Then she said something about Pilgrims and Indians, but the only part I remember is, "It's a day to reflect on everything we're thankful for and thank God once again for it," by which I have deduced that Thanksgiving must be a day to give thanks for me!!  PLUS, we're going to visit family, and everytime we visit family it's usually so they can gush about how wonderful I am and how much I've grown, etc, etc.  They must have finally just decided to just make it a National Holiday.  I'm really touched....I mean I knew people loved me, but a whole day just to remember how thankful everyone is for me?  I'm gonna' cry.  Happy tears though, don't worry.  I will let you go, because I know you all have big plans to prepare for this very important day of thanks, but before you go, I shall demonstrate the proper way to do a drumroll to announce my entrance tomorrow......

Little Einstein

  I really don't know why Mommy is constantly amazed by my capabilities.  You would think by now she would be accustomed to my intellectual ingenuity, but alas, she still insists on jumping up and down like a giddy school-girl whenever I do anything remotely intelligent.  Today I promptly pointed to the flaps that held the corresponding rhymes, and she was shocked!  Shocked I tell you!  Well I was appalled!  How dare you be shocked!  I'm smart enough to know that "cat" rhymes with "mat". DUH!
      I matched the rhymes without missing any four times in a row, and by the fourth time she was getting hysterically excited, so I shoved the book away when she wanted to continue.  I'm done.  I can't concentrate around lunacy. 

9 Month Pictures!

 It's that time again!  I recently had my 9 month photo
shoot, and here are some of my faves.  Calvin Klein,
I'll be waiting for your call! ;)

Happy Birthday Nanna!!

Napping with Nanna during my October Tour

  Today is the birthday of my wonderful beautiful Nanna!  Now Nanna, I know it was probably tough to have a good birthday without me (a perfect gift for any occasion!), but I hope that you did!!   As I reflect on Nanna's birthday, I am reminded that I too will one day be a member of the grown-up sect.  With my 1st birthday rapidly approaching in just a few short months, I feel the need to get away with everything I possibly can before Mommy and Daddy start expecting me to be "responsible" for my actions.  Now you and I know that I am extremely reliable, responsible, and respectable, not to mention charismatic, charming, and cute (how's that for alliteration!), but Mommy and Daddy still see me as their little baby, so let's keep this under wraps at least until my birthday!  I hear toddler-hood's a real drag.

Holding Out Hope

   I haven't heard from Mr. Jingle's captor (or captors, who knows) yet.  Oh Mr. Jingles I hope you are safe and being treated well.  Which reminds me, whoever has Mr. Jingles, if you insist on keeping him, there are some things I would like you to know for his comfort and safety.  He prefers to be shaken side-to-side, not up and down. He does NOT need any food or water, hence the stain on his mouth, but he does need to be shaken at least six times daily to keep physically fit and limber.  It also helps prevent his internal bell from freezing up or sticking.  I'm sure this is way too much for you to remember though, so please mail him home to me as quickly as possible.  I am about to release the big guns.  You have been forewarned.  And Mr. Jingles, I'll always be here waiting for you, with a smile.

May the smile on my face hide the anguish I feel inside.  I will be strong for you Mr. Jingles!

Child Labor Laws Anyone?

   I'm curious....how do they know something is "safe for ages 6mos +" or "for ages 18-24mos"?  Do they have test babies that have to play with these things until some one gets hurt?  Or what about the "brain toys"?  Do they get a bunch of 6 month olds to play with a toy for months to see if they grow up to be stupid or smart?  I can hear it now, "Oops, well guys it looks like Bingo the Bear causes stunted motor skill development in this group; let's try the 9 month olds."  I mean think about it! In order to determine something is age-appropriate or safe, they have to test it on babies right?  And the way they determine something is not safe for a certain age must be when some one gets hurt.  "Oooooh, looks like that robot arm can fit in a 8 month old's nose.  Back to the drawing board." 
      I'm very concerned about this!  Mommy said she's sure they have safe ways of determining these things, like in the movies when a dog gets run over by a semi, but "No animals were harmed in the filming."  Ummm....yeah.....ok.......not comforting Mommy.

Mr. Jingles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  He's gone!  Mr. Jingles is GONE!!!!  I've looked everywhere for him!  I can't believe I didn't realize this sooner, but I don't recall seeing him since my Southern Tour a few weeks ago!  Mr. Jingles NOOOOOOO!  Come home!  Please come home!  I'll never over-shake you again!  I'll treat with with kindness and respect!  You'll never want for anything, really, you can have all the cotton your little heart desires, and thread for dessert, if you'll only come home!  I really can't go on without you.  Babyhood has lost it's charm without you!  Were you elephant-napped?  Oh Mr. Jingles I'm sure you were; you never would have left voluntarily.  Don't worry, I WILL FIND YOU!  To whoever has Mr. Jingles, you are going to pay!  I'm going to track you down and give you a piece of my mind!  Actually, of my lunch - after I've chewed and swallowed it!  ALL OVER YOUR FACE!  However, if you return Mr. Jingles unharmed, I may be convinced to give you a lighter sentence, such as maybe a face full of breakfast instead of lunch (lunch involves foods of many colors, while breakfast is just oatmeal and therefore less disgusting when I regurgitate it all over you).

The Warning Face - This is what I will look like shortly before I hurl my lunch in your face, you cowardly, cruel, twisted elephant-napper!  Whoever you are.

9 Month Photo Shoot

Trying some different looks to practice for my photo shoot...and coaching daddy in the proper wearing of the fedora

      It's that time again - time to update my portfolio with more recent pictures of my handsome self.  I really just wasn't feeling it this time though....I've gained a lot of weight and just wasn't comfortable in those shirt off shots anymore.  Mommy says babies are supposed to have big bellies, it means they're healthy, but I disagree.  I think the "percentile" standards doctors use are WAAAAAY off and are contributing to obesity in America.  Parents hear "Oh no my child is only in the 15th percentile for his weight!" and start stuffing him with more food than he actually wants or needs, which will lead to poor eating habits later in life.  Yet when a doctor says, "My what a big guy, he's in the 80th percentile for his weight!", with a SMILE nonetheless, parents are thrilled.  Well I for one am not liking this "healthier" body of mine. 

         How to fix it....more crawling, less vegetables.  I mean let's think about this logically....I looked great when I was on my all-liquid diet, so I can only assume that fruits and veggies are not as good for you as people claim.  Don't get me wrong, they are great for adults.  Let's look at the facts - I eat fruits and veggies, my tummy grows HUGE.  Mommy eats fruits and veggies, her tummy grows smaller.  Therefore something must happen between babyhood and adulthood that results in your body changing the chemical make-up of said fruits and veggies to make them less fattening.  If only I could have mommy's age and metabolism....**"Are you kidding me?!  Take that back! Take it back right now young man, you don't know what you're saying!"  Sorry mom, but you can't hide the truth any longer!**

Man-Time

   Daddy took me to my first football game last night, and it was so awesome I slept through the entire game!  (In case you didn't catch that, the part about the game being awesome was indeed sarcastic.)  First of all, it wasn't Auburn football.  Second of all, who decided that tight, butt clinging pants were acceptable for men to wear when playing a supposedly manly sport?  Nothing is manly when done in tights!  I don't care if you call them pants, they're tights.  Forgive me if I would rather sleep than watch a bunch of grown men run around a field in girly outfits, pretending that throwing a ball really far and tackling the other guys really hard makes wearing said outfit less humiliating.  But that's ok guys, tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night. 
   The highlight of the night was most definately the fact that I got to spend it with daddy.  I did not receive my root beer or my turkey leg (dang you mommy!), but daddy fed me spinach, pea, and pear puree, so I guess that makes it ok....

Bundle Up!

  Ok people, it's COLD.  I don't mean a little chilly or slightly cool, I mean COLD. But I would be fine, were it only cold in temperature.  It's not that.  It's the icy, biting, fierce, brutal, bone-chilling wind.  I don't know what the wind is like everywhere else, but here it really does go straight through your body.  I supposed I'm more porous than I thought.  So to combat this cold snap, I have found a strikingly adorable blue bear bunting.  When looking for clothes, it is important that they be both functional and fashionable, and I feel that this bunting has it all.  It says, "I'm the cutest thing you've ever seen," and "Back off wind this kid's mine!"  I says it pretty loudly too, and with this hood on it kind of reverberates on my ear drums....
   And tonight this suit shall come in extra-handy...I'm going to my first football game!  WHOOOOO!!!!  So excited.  I'm going to eat fried turkey legs and drink root beer! *What mommy?  No root beer? What about the turkey leg?  NO TURKEY LEG EITHER?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  You know what mommy, you are really cramping my man-style.*

A Tragic Day

  Well folks, it seems that all my pleading for people to do the right thing was to no avail.  I cried for a while, hiding under my excersaucer, but I'm feeling better now.  Mommy said that God is something called "sovereign", which she said means He is in control of everything, so she said that even though we can't possibly understand why, Obama is supposed to be President right now.  She said that God is a King, which makes Him more powerful than a mere President.  So do not fear everyone, no matter what happens, those of you in Christ are spiritually protected, regardless of what may happen to your earthly bodies under any President's term.  I'm quoting mommy greatly here, because I really don't understand much about God just yet.  But I'm learning everyday!  For example, yesterday I learned that God created something called "gravity", and no matter how many times I throw the book off of the rocking chair, it will always fall down!  I tried 12 different books - all the same results.  I find it highly amusing. I may need to do it again today for a few hours....it's good therapy for my sad and frustrated little heart.

Vote vote vote!!

   The time has finally come.  Today is the day we vote to put America back on track!  Although actually I'm not sure it ever was "on-track" as it were, but at least we can get it in the general vicinity of the tracks.  Of course what good is it being near the tracks if you aren't on them, because obviously you can't get anywhere, but perhaps if we move closer and closer to the tracks every 4 years, eventually we'll be close enough to kind of fall onto the tracks, and slowly be dragged along until we're stable enough to actualy center ourselves on the tracks.  Now sing with me, to the tune of "I've Been Working on the Railroad":

We've been working on America,
all the live-long day.
We've been working on America,
since 1778.  (*Side-note - I'm pretty sure the first two years were just mass chaos so they don't count.  Besides, it rhymed.)
Can't you see our doom is coming,
if our President we don't exchange.
Vote to get rid of Obama.
We don't like his "Change"!

Weekend Warriors

      What does two whole days + mommy + daddy + no studying allowed + the most adorable baby in the world equal?  Greatest. Weekend. Ever.  I took daddy to bible study, on a very very very long walk, out to dinner, got my new foster brother or sister's room ready, and as an amazing ending, I stood up!  Daddy was laying on the floor playing with me, and I used him as leverage to pull myself up!  I know what you're thinking...."What a guy!"  Yes.  I know. 
       I can't wait for my new foster brother or sister to come!  Mommy said it may be another couple months still, but that we've done everything we need to; we have to wait on a bunch of other places to return paperwork to the foster care people.  They are pretty much researching everything about our past, present and future. But I'm not the one holding everything up; I've only been here 9 months.  It's mommy and daddy's billions of years that are taking so long!  I'm glad I'll never be that old.  I hear you can stop at whatever age you want when you're a grown-up.  I know it's true because I've seen women that have to be at least 45 tell people when asked their age, "Oh I'm 36."  That's funny....you were 36 last year, and the year before that, and the year before that....

Try and Stop Me Now!

   I feel it is now time to officially break the news....I am a crawling fiend!  I crawl here, I crawl there, I crawl up and down the stairs (ok not really....but it rhymed).  I crawl over, I crawl under, fast as lightning, loud as thunder! (because I'm so excited!).  I'm like a spider-monkey.  Or even better, a pirate-monkey!  I crawl around, plundering and pillaging whatever I find.  Arrrrrg! 
      One thing I don't understand....now that I can go where I please, mommy keeps trying to hinder me from doing that!  I mean if you don't want me to play with all those books and movies on the bottom shelf, why are they there?  And if I shouldn't eat that piece of lint on the floor, why haven't you vacuumed it up?  I know I know - "I can't vacuum every day!  And there's no where else to put those books."  Blah blah blah. 

High Standards

    I have just spent the last 8 hours helping mommy clean.  I'm exhausted!  I can't believe I cleaned that long!  Mommy just kind of wandered the house trying to look productive, but I had to do everything.  It probably would have only taken maybe three hours, but I have very high standards.  No dust, dirt, grime, or filth allowed on any surface, be it cloth, wood, enamel, tile, etc.  If a speck of anything resembling dirt is found, I take no responsibility....I've done my share. *"You call crawling around on the ground playing with a coaster cleaning?!"  Hush mommy!  I was buffing the floor and being a human lint roller!*  So sorry, you know how mommy likes to interject now and then.  I think I need a nice, long bubble bath, with some Epsom salt to ease my poor, aching muscles.  *No mommy!  I get to go first!  Turn that water off unless you're running it for me missy!*