R&R Here I Come

This was me this time last year...I can't believe how much more handsome I've become.  It's truly remarkable.  Well folks, I'm about to head out on VACATION!!!!  I'm headed for a beautiful sandy shore and my very own beach house (I'm generously sharing it with Nanna and Poppy...I know, I know....greatest grandson ever).  I can't wait to hit the beach.  Just me, the sun, the sand, and a good book.  As I recently finished War and Peace, I think I'd like something a little lighter, better for beach reading, like The Brothers Karamozov or maybe Hamlet.  So many books, so little time.  It's an injustice, a tragedy, a true conondrum.  *sigh* 

MLS, Daisy, and the Men From Mars

   One day MLS and Daisy were staring out the window in a bored sort of way, when all of a sudden, a blinding light burst through the pane, bathing them in it's other-worldly glow

"MLS!" Daisy barked excitedly, "What do you suppose that is?"

"It's the sun coming out," MLS sarcastically replied, "What do you think it is you nimrod?!  It's a spaceship of course!  Come to take all our parents back to their homeland!"

"Ohhhhh..." was all Daisy could say in reply.  She didn't know what "spaceship" meant, but she didn't want to admit it for fear of appearing unintelligent.

"Come on quick!" MLS yelled.  "We've got to warn Mommy and Daddy to go hide!  I will not let them be taken away from us!"

Just as MLS and Daisy started to turn away, the blinding light vanished. MLS looked at Daisy in confusion.

"Do you think I scared them away?  Do you think they saw me and just knew they had no chance of taking Mommy and Daddy away from me?  That's it!  That must be it!  They've heard of my physical prowess even in the outer reaches of space, but until they saw me, they had no idea how chiseled and built I really am.  They knew they were no match for me!"

"Yeah MLS..." barked Daisy unconvincingly, "That's it....."

"Yeah, but you know what?  I don't think we've seen the last of them.  They are probably going home to muster an army.  But when they return," MLS said threateningly, "I'll be waiting right here!"

 

To be Continued in the Further Adventures of Daisy and MLS

Fly Kicks

  Check out the kicks my buddy brought me from China!  Aren't they sweet!?  Nobody will have shoes this awesome.  Just wait until I walk into MOPS wearing these.  The ladies will be floored once again by my killer sense of style, having no idea that I didn't even pick them out myself!  Perhaps I'll wear them to the indoor Easter Egg Hunt.  While all the others are going for my shoes thinking they're bright shiny Easter eggs, I'll be going after the real eggs. Muah-ha-ha-ha!  No candy for you!  All for me!!!  Ahem, I mean, "Awwww, you guys didn't find anything?  What a shame...." :)

The Truck Says "Waaaaaarrrhh"...Period

    For some reason, Mommy is unable to understand the concept of "sameness".  For example, trucks.  All trucks have four wheels, an engine, a steering wheel, seats, etc.  Therefore all trucks say "Waaaaaaarrrrhhhh, Waaaaaaarhhhhh" like the big red ones with the ladders on the side.  She seems to think dump trucks make a different noise, and sportscars make another different noise.  No Mom.  Wrong yet again.  It's just that some trucks don't say it as often as the big red ones, but that's the noise they make all the same.  It just makes sense.  Take cows for example. Some are fat, skinny, white, brown, spotted, but they all "moo".  Sheep - "Baa".  Black sheep, white sheep, dirty sheep, clean sheep, they all say "baa"!  Mommies - "blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah, blah blah".  Some are tall, short, tan, pale, it doesn't matter.  They all make the same noise.  Ergo, all trucks say "Waaaaaarrrrrhhhhh".  End of discussion, point set match, the fat lady has sang.  Done.   

Storytime

 Once a week Mommy takes me to the library for something referred to as "Storytime".  It's a very strange place where lots and lots of other mommies take their babies and do strange things.  The mommies sit in a semi-circle holding their kids, and then the begin clapping their hands, stomping their feet, waving "hello" and "brushing their teeth."  One lady stand in the front and directs, so from what I can gather, she is the leader of this cult-like gathering.  All the moms does whatever she tells them too.  My peers and I usually just sit around and watch them....we aren't sure how to break them from her mysterious hold.  At one point they even think they're little red wagons, and commence bouncing us on their knees, and then pretending we fall out of the wagon!  What kind of twisted place is this "Storytime"!?  At least I'm not alone in this.

Tuesday's Post....Ooops

For whatever reason, this didn't post like I thought it did yesterday!  So terribly sorry!    Like my ride?  I heard the ladies dig guys with red cars, so I figure a red tricycle is basically the same thing.  Not quite a speed demon on it yet; Mommy didn't buy me a helmet yet, and we all know how valuable my amazing brain is, so I have to drive slowly and cautiously....for now....Even so, I must say, I can still pose a threat to any man, beast, or fowl that should get in my path!  (Not that I've come across man or fowl yet, but woman and dog were both terrified).  Look out Talledega here I come!

Remote Interference

    This is a remote.  It has two magical cylinders inside that give it power.  Only problem is, Mommy never lets me get the cylinders out before she snatches it from my grasp.  Mega-thwartage.  I think Mommies take classes on how to thwart their sons.  Or maybe that was in that stack of booklets and paperwork they sent me home from the hospital with - "Child-Rearing Skills You Must Know - Chapter 2: The Art of the Thwart"  That's fine though.  I got books too. "Pitiful Expressions to Melt Any Heart, Volume 3"  I've almost mastered the techniques...I've reached Level 4.  My book guarantees that by the time I'm done, I will be able to control any adult with just a look.  Muah-ha-ha-ha!  Cookies for breakfast? "Of course MLS!"  No naps today?  "Never again my perfect son!"  It shall be glorious...

If the Shirt Fits...

The shirt says it all...."Prince" and "charming" (just ignore the possessive form of "mommy"...)  All you need to know about me is stated on my chest.  While I am normally against such flagrant displays of character, since this one was particularly fitting, I agreed to let Mommy get it.  I believe my demeanor reveals my nature, thus I have no need to flaunt it on my chest.  But as I said, I made an exception this one time.  I think that those who feel the need to wear clothing with silly adjectives about themselves really need to spend some time in self-evaluation.  The other day at the mall I saw a girl wearing shorts that said, "Pink" across the back.  Really madam?  We can all see by the color of your skin that it is pink (though undoubtedly NOT the hot pink of those ridiculous shorts you're wearing).  There is no need to advertise what color your bottom is in particular.  Honestly I will never understand the adult species....

Daddy-Sitting

Took Daddy shopping the other day.  It was time for him to get some new dress shirts.  He won't listen to Mommy when she gives him fashion advice, so I was like, "Ok Mommy you stay home, and I'll take Daddy shopping.  You tell me what you want him to buy, and I'll bring it up as if it was my idea so that he'll listen."                                 He wasn't fooled.  It was still a good thing I was there though.  If I hadn't been there holding his hand to walk him across parking lots (and pull him away from ice cream stores), he would have been roadkill (or just hyped up on sugar).  Parents!  You can't take your eyes off them for a minute!

 

Label Schmabel

    Why do toy companies put age ranges on the toys?  Are they trying to lower our self-esteem?  Safety guidelines fine, i.e "safe for 9 mos and up" but "your-baby-should-be-able-to-do-this-by" labels?  So wrong.  So what if an 11 month old can't figure out a toy rated for 9 months?  So what if a 21 month old still likes to play with that ring toss that says ages "6-18 mos"?  I mean really "fill-in-the-blank" toy company?  This is unhealthy.  It's wrong.  It's child cruelty.  You are making parents think every baby is the same.  You are making guys like me think that they are abnormal for being able to work a 1000 piece puzzle (ok maybe I am a big advanced....it's a curse...).  Why can't kids just play with the toys they like?  Period.  No pressure to master shapes at 12 months just because the shape sorter toy says so.  If toy companies won't listen to our wants and needs, we'll reclaim the toy market by force!  Next time Mommy takes me to the store, I'm going through the toy aisle with a permanent marker and coloring over all the age range stickers! Muah-ha-ha-ha!

Overall-it

It's time for another fashion lesson with me, MLS, fashion guru.  Topic of today: Overalls.
Overalls scream "quintessential boy".  No article of clothing is so classic, so diverse as the overalls.  You can wear them with a nice wide-striped thermal, as seen above, or with a button down for the southern charmer farm-boy look.  However I do not recommend the latter unless you have a dazzling gift of conversation and intelligence.  It is a very difficult look to pull off unless you are a fine specimen of brains and brawn, such as myself. 
   A word of warning goes along with the overalls though....try not to speak loudly (scream) while wearing them.  Parents tend to misunderstand your loud protestations about the absence of organic food in your diet as a tantrum, and like to use the backs of overalls to lift you off the ground and deposit you somewhere more confining, such as back into the shopping cart or your pack-n-play.  Most embarassing and unbecoming. 

Folding Clothes

                        Sorry folks...can't talk....I've got a pile of laundry up to my neck to fold! 

This may take all night.  I've told you many times that I'm the one that does everything around here.  So here it is...the undeniable pictorial proof.  Without me, this house would fall apart!  I really don't know what they did before I came, I really don't.  And by the way, I apologize for my absence last night.  I went on a 8.2 mile round trip walk, and was simply too exhausted to do anything when I returned.  Gotta' get my excercise in.  I mean by the 2nd mile of sitting in that stroller I was plumb wore out! :)

The Triumphant Return

   MR. JINGLES HAS RETURNED!!!!!! HE'S HOME HE'S HOME!  Remember back in October when I thought he was kidnapped?  All this time he's been in the basement of a friend's house I went to with Mommy!  He's threatening charges of neglect since I "neglected" to put him back in my toy bag, but I think he conveniently disappeared as Mommy packed up my things.  Probably thought he'd have an adventure.  Elephants!  They all think they're Babar! 
   I think I've convinced him not to press charges because technically it wasn't all my fault.  He's deeply hurt though.  I've never seen him so blue (well you know what I mean....)  Hopefully in time he'll forgive and forget.  Right now we are taking things one day at a time - I'll pick him up and give him a good shake now and then.  He'll smile in fond rememberance of the good ol' days.  Soon I expect him to be up for our regular jaunts and frolics.  Oh Mr. Jingles, I'm so glad you're home.

Bon Voyage Buddy!

This is just a quick post to ask that you all pray for my buddy who now on his way to a magical country in Asia.  He said they have unicorns there....but I have my doubts.  He said he knows for fact they at least have dragons, which is more likely than unicorns.  Anyway, he was rather apprehensive about the long flight before he left, so pray that he will have the strength to take care of his Mommy and Daddy in a confined space for so long.  You know how parents are...."I'm boooorrreeeed.  When is the plane gonna' land?  I'm tired.  I want another pack of nuts.  Where's the pillow and blanket I asked for two hours ago?"  I told him to slip some of that new "ZZZquil" stuff into their sodas on the flight.  Hee hee hee.  Just kidding.  But really.....

Chocolate!

Nom nom nom.  I have discovered chocolate.  Wonderful, amazing, dark, chocolatey goodness.  Mommy said chocolate is like coffee - it comes from a bean, which makes it healthy.

  NOOOOOOO!!!!  I have discovered that chocolate disappears far too quickly.  And for all Mommy's talk of how healthy it is, she wouldn't give me anymore!!!  I feel so disillusioned....to have had a taste of heaven in my hands, only to have it disappear within minutes.  I didn't mean to eat it all so fast.  But it was there.  And I was there....and then it was gone.  But I was still there. :(

Book Nook

    A friend gave me a new firehouse bookshelf to help store my ever expanding collection of books.  Mommy put them on all wrong though....Silly woman organized them by height.  BY HEIGHT!  Come on now....really?  What library is organized by height?  Do not my books deserve the same respect as those of any serious book collector?  I'll have you know that Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar is a great work of fiction, and should be shelved alphabetically right between Wuthering Heights and The Three Musketeers.  But nooooo, Mommy put Wuthering Heights on a different shelf altogether!  What does a guy have to do to gain a little literary respect?

The Trials of Teaching

 The day's work just never ends....you think that after a full day of dog chasing, train driving, meal planning, and mommy wrangling (mostly the latter), I would have earned a few hours of rest.  But noooooo.  I must continue grinding away at the proverbial grindstone and teach daddy all about jungle critters.  "No Daddy, the tiger says, "Grrrrrrowwwwwllll", the lion says, "ROOOOOOARRRRR!!"  *sigh*  Really I don't know why I bother.  Every day brings new challenges of babyhood that I just don't know that I was prepared for when I signed up to come down here.  On the bright side, at least they're cute when you see that little lightbulb come on as they finally get whatever it is you're teaching them.  (Get it..."on the bright side"....ba-ha-ha-ha!  I slay myself.) 
   Yes, I suppose having parents it worth the trouble.  Remind me of that when it's time for me to teach them how to take me to the potty....

People Watching

I love to just stroll around the mall and stare at all the people.  You know, it's amazing what people will do right in front of you when they judge you by your stature.  They look at me and think, "Oh look, a cute unintelligent baby.  He doesn't understand what's going on bless his little heart."  HELLO! Do you not see me pushing this stroller by myself?  Do you not see me browsing the racks and determining final sale price with my calculator!?  Show a little respect!  Hey hey stop picking your nose in front of me!  And you - old man in the plaid!  I see you eyeing that hammer with your shifty eyes!  Don't make me sic my daddy on you!