Blown Away

Mommy recently informed me of my viewership for this blog.  This was my reaction....

  Now for my formal speech of gratitude.  Ahem:
     Thank you so much to everyone who believed in the dream of an infant.  I am just so happy to be helping so many parents understand their babies a little better.  I'd like to thank all the little people (myself), and mommy, for letting me use her computer even though she could just give me the mini to have for myself but she won't because she says I'm too young but it's funny how I'm old enough to write a blog. Sorry....as I was saying.  I'm completely blown away by the number of people I get to inadvertantly talk to everyday, and I hope I've made you laugh, think about things you never would have before, and realize how smart we vertically challenged youths really are.

   Phew...glad that's over. I get so nervous when I make speeches....my hands get all sweaty and my onesie feels two sizes too small.  Onto the after-party!  *Mommy!  Where's my punch?  Where's my gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free cake&ice cream?  Mommy I know you can hear me!*

Bundle Who?

 I am continually amazed by all the things people are allowed to put babies in, be it clothing, a toy, a stroller accessory, etc. that would never be acceptable for a grown-up. 
                                                            Exhibit A: The Bundle Me

Mommy aquired this cocooning smother-bag at a recent MOPS meeting (not this particular one...I don't have a picture of mine with me inside because I wouldn't let mommy take one...too humiliating).  *Sidenote: To whatever mother brought this item to give away....you'll pay for this!  I'm going to track you down next week, charm you with my smile, and just when you take hold of me, I'll projectile spit up on that fancy blouse you wore thinking it was safe since your own kid would be off in MOPPETS.  Muah-ha-ha-ha!
     For those of you not familiar with the Bundle Me, it is basically a sleeping bag that attaches into your stroller or car seat.  You fasten all the seat belts as normal, and then zip the thing up with baby inside.  I mean you leave their head out of course (although I have seen babies completely encased inside, and that just bothers me).  But still!  How humiliating is that!  I'm forced to stroll around town zipped inside this thing, only my head "peeking" out as passers-by comment, and be subjected to patronizing stares from old and young alike, because it's just "so adorable".  Even the name of the thing makes me feel smothered...."Bundle Me."  No!  Bundle yourself.  I'll bundle you in the face buster!  You can take your Bundle Me and stuff it!  No, no not with me.  Noooooooooo!

"Cuz I Struggle With Forward Motion"

There is a song mommy likes to play that is particularly fitting for my current predicament.  Thank you Reliant K.  Well listen up people (cough, mommy, cough).  I'm tired of getting a hard time from just because I won't crawl yet.  Any baby can crawl.  It takes talent to scoot backwards.  That's right....backwards.  None of this forward nonsense for me.  You can just as easily get where you want to go moving backwards as you can forwards.  But don't use that as an analogy for life because it's completely unfounded.  All that "two steps forward, one step back."  No, no.  You never really go backwards in life; you just make bad decisions that keep you stuck where you are.  Funny how grown-ups don't understand that concept.  Can't tell you how many times I've heard the ridiculous phrase in my short little life.  But perhaps I can not fault people for continuing to say these adorable catchy phrases without thinking about what they mean.  After all, I am quite the thinker, so it's only natural for me to criticize and analyze.

"Paging Dr. MLS"

"Paging Dr. MLS.  Dr. MLS please report to surgery."  Well I've done it...I've finished medical school.  At least I assume I'm done - they already gave me the outfit.  Daddy is quite jealous...I told him not to feel bad just because his almost 8 month old was able to fly through med school in 7 months.  They usually do force you to stay in for 4 years, but once they met me and were completely confounded by my knowledge of medicine, they just passed me on through.  Now to residency.  Looks like I'm doing ER since that's the outfit they gave me.  I'm ok with that.  That way I can work out a "7 on 7 off'" type deal so that I can still pursue my other interests....such as blogging, being a rock star, writing a New York Times best seller, and learning to crawl.  Hmmm...that's a small hiccup....a doctor that can't get around without his mommy.  I've got it!  I'll just take the walker to work every day and use it.  Problem solved!  In fact, why even waste time and energy learning to walk when I can just use my walker?  I mean it has a seat to relax when I'm with a stressful patient, and best of all, built in toys!  All the other docs are so going to be jealous.....

Prayer for Children

   This will be my most serious post to date, but I have a lot weighing on my heart, and since it's such a little heart, it's very heavy right now.  I spent Saturday with friends because mommy and daddy had to go to their foster care training class.  I'm not sure what foster care is exactly, but from what I understand it means that some parents make big mistakes that sometimes hurt their kids, so the kids need to be placed somewhere safer until their parents can get better.  But mommy said that sometimes their parents don't get better, and the kids have to find a new home.  I don't understand....why would you have an amazing, wonderful, awesome baby, if you aren't even going to take care of him/her?  I can't imagine mommy and daddy not taking care of me, just like their parents took care of them, and theirs of them and so forth.  How could you hurt a child?  I know we babies be act all big and bad sometimes, but we're really tiny and defenseless.  Why would some one take their anger out on us? 
      Mommy said that sometimes it's not that the parents intentionally hurt their child, but they make "lifestyle choices" (whatever that means) that affect their ability to care for their child.  But I don't see how that's any different than intentionally hurting your child.  Mommy even told me that some people shake their babies.  PEOPLE ACTUALLY SHAKE BABIES!!!!!!  I cried when she told me...I may cry now just thinking about it.  Common sense says if you're baby is crying, shaking them will either make them cry harder, or if it does make them stop, something is now VERY VERY WRONG with them! 
      So today,  spend time praying for all the kids in the U.S. who have to leave their homes and everything familiar, all because their parents made bad decisions.  Pray that God will raise up more people like mommy and daddy to take care of them (because mommy also said that some foster parents end up being just as bad as the child's birth parents!).  Pray for all the struggling parents too....parents who didn't have good parents themselves, so they have never had a model to follow.  Pray that those parents will have people in their lives that tell them about God, and how He is a Father to the fatherless.  Pray for the people of Social Services who have to deal with these situations daily - that God will come into their lives too, and give them compassion and wisdom.  And pray for your own family...maybe you can take in a foster child, or adopt one waiting for a permanent home.

Pop-Up Perturbance

There is something that haunts my dreams....something dark and sinister that I can't forget about.  Everyday I see their seemingly happy, smiling faces.  I can't make them go away!!  They are "The Creatures From the Pop-Up Toy"!  Bom bom bom!!!! (*cue high-pitched hysterical scream)

 Just look at them...their smiling faces masking their devilish delight at my annoyance with them.  You put them down, but there they are again!  They just keep popping back up over and over again.  Don't let their cute expressions fool you; that's how they sucked me in. I know what you're thinking - "Oh MLS they look harmless enough to me."  No!!!  You know something is wrong with some one when you continously slam their face down, but they still come back up wearing the same creepy smile every SINGLE TIME!     
    I just can't stop though....it's an addiction.  I must rid the world of these varmits!  Don't worry everyone, MLS is on  the job!

Who Am I?

 So I'm trying out a few different looks....what do ya' think?  Winnie-the-MLS?  MLS Pumpkinhead?  No I'm not practicing for Halloween; I just feel that it's important for people to get outside of themselves once in a while....to be some one other than themselves.  No no I'm not talking about going Schizo or split-personality or something.  I just mean that every now and then, one grows tired of being the person everyone expects you to be.  When in disguise, you can do all kinds of things that no one will think is weird, because no one knows it's you. 
      For example, as MLS Pumpkinhead, I can sit on the front porch and make creepy jack-o-lantern faces and it will be ok.  Or as Winnie-the-MLS, I can down a whole jar of honey and no one will try and stop me!  Which would be awesome because up to now, mommy has not let me have any.  Some nonsense about Botulism....I think she and daddy just want to hog it all to themselves.  Parents can be tricksy like that....like when they try and feed you spinach and tell you how great it is, all the while holding the spoon as far away from themselves as possible and trying not to gag.  Ok, cause that's not obvious....

Rachmaninoff's Got Nothin' On Me!

I have discovered I am somewhat of a piano prodigy....ok perhaps prodigy is too strong a term.  I can hit the keys though.  I can hit them LOUD.  I can even do cross-overs, and mommy said most pianists don't perfect this technique for years and years.  The music just comes to me; it flows from my heart to my brain back down to my hands and just happens.  I think I'll call my first composition, "Rattles on a Hard-Wood Floor",  becase it has this loud, rythmic, bordering on obnoxious sound to it.  It's very abstract.  Mommy liked it.  She said people have become famous for pieces of art that looked just as advanced as my song sounded.  I think that's a compliment....But you know fame is a fickle thing.  Here today, gone tomorrow.  However, if I can compose one really great piece, it could last hundreds and hundreds of years!  So back to the drawing board.  Or rather, the keyboard.