On the Road Again

Exhaustion sets in after a long day of packing

I. Am. So. Tired. I’ve been packing ALL DAY for my second ever road trip…I don’t remember much of the first one as I was a mere 3 months old, so this will be exciting! I’m almost five months now, so I’ve had much more life experience and will be better able to catalog this event in my memory. I’m going to see both sets of grandparents AND my great-grandmother AND my great aunts and great uncles AND my regular aunts and uncle AND mommy’s best friends AND my second and third cousins INCLUDING my new baby third cousin. SO EXCITED!!!!! AND I’m going to go swimming for the first time! I can’t wait to wow everyone with my mad water skills. Well actually I don’t technically know that I have mad water skills, but I choose to believe so to keep from being scared out of my mind. J

Also, I give fair warning…I will be so busy this upcoming week that I may not have much time to keep my public informed of my doings, so if you don’t hear from me don’t worry! J I’ll update all my loyal fans as soon as possible.  And do you know what I realized today?  I'm up to over 500 views now!  Yay!  Big thanks to all of you for making that happen.  I wonder how fast I can get to 1000...do you think you could help me?  Tell ALL your friends to check out jabberbaby.blogspot.com! 

Rockin' the Sweater-Vest

I've finally landed on my style...I'm going with "casual preppy".  Sweater vests are DEFINATELY my thing.  Best of all, the look easily goes from special event wear, to casual day wear.  You've already got the polo on under the vest, so just take off the vest and cords and throw on a pair of plaid shorts and voila!  You still look good, but not overdone.  AND only once in your life do you have the opportunity to look like you have your shirt tucked in all the time, without the uncomfortable feeling of actually having a tucked in shirt.  Onesie polos rock!!  Perhaps when I'm older and it takes more time to look this great, I'll switch to the "careless yet confident" look - the plaid shorts with an UNTUCKED (gasp!) polo, to show my rebel side.

"Baby You Can('t) Drive My Car"

  That's it.  I've had it.  What's the point of having a car if you don't drive it anywhere?  Mommy and daddy walk everywhere!  Today they got the bright idea to walk to the grocery store, where they would be purchasing two gallons of milk among other things.  Come on people..that's just silly.  I even took the keys and offered to drive, because I thought "Hmmm...I always get to sit in the back and be cheuffered around.  Maybe they are just tired of always being the ones to drive."  But no, they STILL wanted to walk.  They said it's "healthier" and "would be ashamed to waste such a nice night."  Hey I love nice nights; I just love them more from the comfort of my car seat.  Do you know what it's like to sit in a harness where you aren't even tall enough to face forward, so every time you go out you have to just stare at your mommy or daddy for mile after mile as they get sweatier and sweatier?  I want to see the world!  I want to feel the wind on my face, not drops of mommy's sweat!  Just two more inches....two more inches and my entire outlook on life will change.  Literally ha ha.

Rock and Roll!

So I'm thinking this will be the album cover (from the days
when I had lots of hair) ...all the best rock stars go
for that pensive "don't mess with me" look.

     I am deeply sorry for not posting yesterday.  My computer was getting a check-up.  I had a zillion updates to run, and a new music recording program to download which took 12 hours!  I'm planning to use it to record what will undoubtedly be a platinum album, featuring my hit single (at least in mommy's eyes) "Buuh, Buuuuuuh, Buuuuh".  Now I already play guitar, so I just need a drummer, a bass player, and one of those everything players that can sing, play guitar, and play keys.  Mommy is vying for that spot, but I told her she can be my manager and producer if she doesn't ask for too big of a cut.  Any volunteers to be my roadies?  I'll need at least five - one to drive the bus, two to load and unload my gear, one to carry me around and hold me while I perform, and one to detain mommy when she tries to interrupt my gigs because it's bedtime.  I mean no decent band stops playing just because it's bedtime!!  The show must go on!  Besides, when you take four naps a day, who needs nighttime sleep?  "I wanna rock n' roll all night...and party e-ver-y day!"  

Fashion Guru

So I’m trying to figure out my “style”. Mommy dresses me in such an array of things that I can’t decide what I want to stick with. I mean there’s the classic Rugby shirt for a more preppy look, but I feel like the wide stripes make me look heavy. Then there’s the sweater ensembles if I’m going for a boutique look, but those might get me beat up one day when I’m older. I’m quite fond of overalls, but I fear that even though they look very age-appropriate and quaint now, they may cause me to be labeled as a redneck later on. Probably the best choice is the class All-American look…just a onesie and a baseball cap. I also have a tuxedo that I am trying to grow into, but if I go that direction I‘ll need some more button-downs and dress pants for casual daytime wear. .I guess I’ll keep letting mommy dress me in whatever she feels like until I decide. I still want to try out a punk/emo look, but my hair is too short to get the faux-hawk just yet.

Wrestle-Mania!

Took a car ride into the big city today, and I was a store-stopper. I put so many ladies under my blue-eyed spell today it’s not even funny! I probably set a record for most attention attracted in a store in history. Ok so maybe some one like vomiting or passing out in a store holds the record, but as far getting attention without being ill or committing a crime, I’m definitely numero uno!

I also KO’d Teddy Roosevelt today. Mommy sat me on the bed while she got ready to go, and as soon as she turned her back he attacked me! Seriously fur was FLYING! (His, not mine obviously) He took me in the first round, but I came back with a one-armed body slam, and he was down for the count…couldn’t even do a third round. I’m pretty sure he’s still lying unconscious on mommy’s bed. But that’s not surprising considering our talk yesterday regarding my awesome physique and raw strength. That bear won’t be messin’ with me again anytime soon! Stick to stealing picnic baskets buddy!

Handsome is as Handsome Does

I've been thinking...I know I talk a lot about how handsome I am, and I mean every word of it, but I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.  I'm not just some guy who knows he's good looking on the outside and doesn't worry about the inside.  I do constantly strive to impress daddy and make mommy's life a breeze by being amiable and loving.  I realize that my handsome appearance means nothing if it is not backed by a handsome disposition. When you are beautiful, your face may land you that promotion or make that person notice you.  Heck you may even grace the covers of magazines or break into acting or modeling.  But will anyone think of You fondly?  Who you are as a person?  I have no doubt that as I grow, I may go through an awkward stage where I lose this heart-melting appearance, but I hope that will not affect the way my family and friends treat me.  Also, I don't want my mommy to look back on these years and think, "He was such a handsome boy." (Although she undoubtedly will :)  I want her to look back and think, "He was such a sweet little guy, always making me smile." 

"There is no better mirror for the heart than the faces of others." - MLS

Mr. Universe

Daddy took his last test of his first year of medical school today! To celebrate, I took him on a long, long, long, long, long walk. And ya know, I don’t know why physical fitness is such a big deal to him and mommy. I mean, just look at what I did during this entire walk…

I didn’t have to take a single step for myself! Yet you never hear anyone talk about the “risk of atherosclerosis in infants” or “obesity in four month olds”. I am Mr. Physical Fitness. I’m so fit I get stronger by the day without even thinking about it! So the true secret to getting in shape? Do nothing! Just have some one carry you around in a harness all day and you’ll buff up in no time! Mommy apparently doesn’t know this; if she did she wouldn’t spend so much time doing Cardio workout videos (thank you Netflix). I don’t think I’ll correct her though, because she’s quite hilarious to watch.

Lego Dream House

This is the Lego house I'm building. I’m in charge of design, and mommy of construction. So here’s the vision - a mega mansion designed specifically for babies. If this house were made to scale, the door wouldn’t even be big enough for grown-ups! (Although I think I'll build a room for mommy and daddy with it's own entrance...I'd miss them too much otherwise).  The nursery has a king-sized crib with an automatic swaddling machine and pacifier retrieval machine. You can even set the tight/loose level on the swaddling machine depending on your swaddle comfort level. One room is a giant bathtub that has robotic hands support you and allow you the freedom to splash and thrash without risk of drowning. It also has a puppy simulation room - fake puppies with all the playfulness and softness of real ones, without all the licking and dangerous claws. You can grab their neck fur or ears and squeeze to your heart’s content and they won’t whine or try to snap at you! Oh and the toy room! The toy room has an inexhaustible supply of teething toys, noisemaking toys, and cuddly toys. And you know those ceiling sprinkler systems in offices or businesses? This house has one that sprays fragrance free Lysol on demand, to kill all those germs your playgroup buddies bring over with them. And I won’t even mention the library or indoor swing set! Now if I only had hundreds of thousands of dollars to build this thing for real…

Supervising Construction

 







The Name Game

Why do parents give you a name if they aren’t going to use it? I have a lovely name, one that I’m quite fond of. But I never hear it. In one day mommy calls me “sweet precious perfect baby”, “roo-buddy”, “angel-pie”, “widdle-widdle”, “buddy”, “big guy”, “roo-bear”, and just plain “bear”. I can hardly bear it….get it? Hahaha I’m just too clever. Anyway…I may hear my actual name two or three times a day. My favorite is when she calls me just “baby”. Um, I don’t call you “woman” do I? But what can you do? I’ve heard nicknames are inevitable. I just hope she grows tired of these names before I’m 7 or 8, especially “angel-pie” and “sweet precious perfect baby”. I can see it now…I’m 14 years old, hangin with the guys and I suddenly hear, “Angel-pie, come wash your widdle roo-hands for dinner!” Thanks mom. Now could you please buy me a paper bag to wear over my head until we can move to Guam.

Does this devilishly handsome face look like the face of a "roo-bear" (whatever that is)...I think not!

Happy Father's Day!

  

Daddy and I After Said Walk



Happy Father’s Day Everybody!!!! Especially to my daddy! I made him a beautiful card…I even signed it myself.  Ok... maybe I just held the pen and mommy moved my arm, but I still signed it! Then I took daddy on a father’s day walk.  He had to study the rest of the day, but after this week, no more school for five whole weeks, only work, which requires no studying!!!! He’ll be MINE! ALL MINE! *cue maniacal laughter* I have big plans for us. I’m going to take him camping, walking, swinging, hiking, disc golfing, bowling, swimming, and visiting family. Mommy can come too I suppose. Then we’re going to build a giant Lego city and read hundreds of books and lay in the hammock all afternoon til dinner time. I’ll also let him fetch whatever toys I want and carry me around all day. I can’t wait!!!!!

The Injustice of Youth

This is My Disgruntled Face

Explain something to me…what makes a “toy”? For example, why are the plastic shapes on my excersaucer toys, yet mommy’s plastic water bottle apparently isn’t? Why is my stuffed dog a toy, but Daisy isn’t? How come pacifiers and teething rings are acceptable to play with and put in my mouth, but wet washrags and mommy’s phone are not? I’m sensing a double-standard here. “No buddy, you drink your own drool off of the bland, flavorless squeaky giraffe and I’ll drink this delicious coffee.” Um…excuse me? Why do I get rubber and you all get coffee? I’ll even take decaf, I don’t mind! I am an artiste! A great writer! I need to be free to play with whatever I want, drink whatever I want, gnaw on whatever I want in order to gain life experience to base my writings on! But whatever. I’m done with all this insensitivity. I mean geez if I can’t have what you have, then don’t eat/drink/or play with it right in front of me! So rude.

Heartbreaker

So mommy and daddy took me to a bonfire for their school club thingy tonight, and I was an absolute HIT! Everybody wanted to see me, but I only deemed two people worthy of holding me. Actually I got kidnapped by one of them, a lovely lady. I think she’s in love with me. There’s just a small 23 year age difference…I’ll have to let her down gently. A phone call? Nah…I couldn’t stand to hear her cry. Texting or email is out of the question; way too rude. A letter with a follow-up phone call! I’ll write an elaborate goodbye letter, and then call AFTER she reads it to smooth things over. Wish me luck! That’s life I guess; I anticipate having to break a lot of hearts. Probably will even have to take out a few restraining orders. Good thing I’m as sweet and considerate as I am good looking.

It's COMING!!!!

New tooth is right where I'm holding my thumb

It's coming it's coming!  My tooth that is.  It's finally erupting through my gums. I wish it would go back to sleep. Get it? Cause it’s called a tooth bed! HAHAHAHAHA I’m soooo hilarious. I’m thinking of doing stand-up comedy this summer. Anyway…I’ve had quite the worst day in history. I cried, mommy cried. I think mommy may have cried more. But by the time daddy came home my tooth stopped hurting, which really made mommy jealous since I’d been crying in her ear for hours. The pain really only ebbs in my sleep though…ah to sleep….”to sleep perchance to dream…” Don’t you just love Shakespeare? Personally I find his wit almost as hilarious as my own. But less about him, more about me…back to my tooth. It’s hard to tell right now, but I think it’s going to be the straightest, whitest, most perfect tooth ever. Scratch that, I’m positive it is! J When there is actually enough to photograph, I shall have my photographer takes multiple shots of it for your viewing pleasure!

Sharing is Caring

Now that I’m a bit more mobile, I have begun to notice more of the things around me that mommy and daddy have. For example, this giant blue bottle…

and mommy tries to hog it all to herself. She’ll be sitting there not even playing with it, just holding it in her mouth, yet she won’t give it to me when I scream for it. HELLO! Maybe you didn’t notice I’m SCREAMING here. That means, “Give me the bottle NOW!” Then she tries to act all parental and says, “We don’t scream when we want something, we ask politely.” First of all, screaming is as polite as I get right now. Second of all, maybe “we” don’t scream, but “I” do! And food! They eat plates piled with food multiple times a day, yet when I innocently take one little piece of chicken off daddy’s plate they pry it out of my hand. You had like 20 pieces of chicken on your plate! What difference will this one make?! And they say children are selfish…PAH! It’s because I understand the concept of sharing that I take things. I see that you have plenty, so I take some, assuming that as a “grown-up”, you would know that sharing is the polite thing to do. But noooooo. I’ve even seen them share with THE DOG! The dog?! Really? So the dog can eat that food on your plate, but I can’t even play with it and give it right back when I’m done? Now that’s what I call a double-standard.

Mommy's Day Out

"AHHHHH!  MOMMY YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!"

I took mommy and daddy to the mall today to walk around. Mommy was about to drive me CRAZY if she stayed in the house one more day. I just can’t handle her when she gets cabin fever. She starts exercising my legs and arms for twice or three times as long as usual, which is so pointless. Let’s face it, I am an amazing physical specimen already…why all the workouts? I mean when I go out the babes can’t take their eyes off me! I give them the stare with my hypnotic baby blues, followed by the slow smile that builds up to a grin. Gets ‘em every time! But I digress…bottom line - Mommies should be taken for walks at least once a day or they become overly attentive and tiresome.  If only there were "mommy-sitters" instead of "baby-sitters"...

Swing Time (Get it? Instead of "hang time", "swing time"? I slay myself)



I call it - "The Lonely Philosopher"

       Mommy took me to the swings today for a time of reflection. Just as I sometimes need to relax in my hammock, I also need time to reflect on life…am I where I want to be? Where do I see myself in 5 years? What would mommy and daddy do without me? That sort of thing. And what better place to think than while swinging. For a swing is an excellent metaphor for life - It has times of great triumph and excitement, during which you soar. These highs are quickly followed by lows, when you become bored or complacent, only to be swept into the air again in an entirely different direction. Oh and you can’t go forward without going back. This metaphor could get very deep, so for the benefit of those not blessed with my intellect, I shall quit the topic for now.
      Anyway, today during my reflection I realized what a big responsibility I hold as a member of the next generation. Certain members of various older generations have completely ruined society for myself and my peers. Therefore, it is with sober mind and courageous spirit that I promise to endeavor to fix current problems and right past wrongs! I, MLS, will salvage America, and GIRAFFE! BIG COLORFUL GIRAFFE! DAISY COME LOOK QUICK I CAN REACH THE GIRAFFE! PACI? DID YOU SAY PACI MOMMY? PACI! Mmmmfff, muuummuummumm, mummmff.

How to Read a Book Without Injury

      I think I should take this opportunity to instruct those who may not be as advanced as I in the skill of grasping and reading a book. Books can be very intimidating, (and some of them are…I mean who decided that very hard books were good for those under three? Just the phrase “board book” makes me grab an icepack in case of injury) but you can do this! Follow these simple steps for a safe and pleasant reading experience. First, you must taste the book, like so -

       If it tastes bitter, it is probably one of the thicker board books and can be dangerous. Proceed with caution. If it tastes slightly sweet (like a stamp), it is made of soft paper that is much lighter, although you must still be wary of paper cuts. If the book has no flavor, it is probably bland and boring, and not worth reading.

       If the book passes the taste-test, proceed to hold it firmly with both hands so it does not crash down on your face (I am only using one hand because I am more advanced...you'll get there), and read the back to determine if it is worth risking facial reconstructive surgery to read -

       Finally, if you have determined by both the taste and summary tests that the book seems like a good read, lay the book on your tummy, open it with one hand, and THEN proceed to lift and read. NEVER attempt to open a book or turn a page while holding it upright. As I mentioned before, they are made of thick board-like material that is heavy and will hurt if dropped on the cranial region.

Before you know it, you will be a book reading pro like myself!

Visit With Gramma, Grampa, and Aunt Sarah!

         Again, I deeply apologize for my absence, but these past few days my other grandparents, Gramma and Grampa were visiting! My Aunt Sarah came too! I am COMPLETELY exhausted. (No mommy, it is NOT because I’ve stayed up all night for three nights in a row! Now go away I’m talking to my fans!) Sorry about that little interruption…Anyway, we had so much fun! I took them to Gardners for ice cream, swung Grampa in my hammock, showed them my playground (where I wowed them with my mad solo swinging skills!), and basically showed off for three days. I also gave Sarah a few gallons of drool, but for some reason she didn’t seem grateful. If they only knew how hard it is to be this awesome…

         They brought along their dog, Poptart as well. I thought I knew Daisy…I thought we were bff’s. But alas, she left me for another! *sob, sniff, sniff* With Poptart around I was yesterday’s news. Poptart was interested in me though (until Daisy stole her away!). I’m not sure if we will be able to mend this rift in our relationship. We aren’t speaking at present. She tried to make up today my licking my hands off, but I’m not just going to fall for her cute act and forget how she treated me. No way! It’s going to take years of extensive therapy and counseling sessions before I’m ready to forgive and forget. Or maybe only until tomorrow….

4 Month Check-Up

Taking a Picture of my Fabulous Self

Had my 4 month check-up today…NOT FUN. I was fine until I got hungry…chatting with the resident doc, flirting with my doc, but then they insisted on giving me THREE shots before I could leave! After I grace them with my presence and allow them to take my weight (can you say invasion of privacy?), they reward me with needles! I think I should have a say in the care of my body….hence the term “my” body. And I do not wish for my body to become a dart board for needle happy nurses! And you know what else? Mommy wouldn’t even watch! Daddy stayed with me while mommy left the room! Ok, if my own mother can’t bear to watch, yet is obviously unable to do anything to stop them, you know those people in scrubs must be evil! Poor mommy…she was heartbroken. I consoled her later with some smiles, and she felt much better. I have to be strong for the both of us. In other news, I yet again astound and amaze with my physical prowess. I can stand for a long time as long as I have something to lean on. Not that I need anything to lean on, but I don’t want mommy to get to excited and send me to the Olympics or something. I would hate to embarrass all those grown-ups when I thrash them mightily.  Although I’ve never been to London…

This is me Standing

Baby Gear Blunders

Happy Anniversary Nanna and Poppy! To celebrate, I took an extra-long nap! J Mommy and daddy celebrated their 2 and ½ year anniversary as well by taking me out for coffee. I reached for daddy’s, but he wouldn’t let me try it. Mommy let me hold her cup, which I knocked over with a loud clatter, livening up things for all the people sitting quietly. I am here! You shall not ignore me! Then I was forced into my harness for the long walk home. I don’t understand why they don’t get my input when they design things like harnesses. If they did, they would know it needs a reclining feature for when I’m sleepy, but that still keeps me safe. It also needs to be made from that foamy tempur material, to comfort and soothe my tired, sore, growing body. I mean, if you’re going to make us ride around with you while you do chores and exercise and shop, you ought to make us comfortable. But nobody asks for my opinion, they just force things on me…”Oh look if we paint this toy a bright color we can market it for babies…it’s not good for chewing or rubbing or even holding but I think it would be perfect for a baby.” Really people? Really? Case in point, the buttons on my excersaucer that make animal noises - they should be covered in soft velvety padding, so that when I slam my hand on it I do not bruise myself. And if they would make it a little easier to press said buttons I wouldn’t have to slam my hands on them. I hereby decree that ALL products made for my age division must be tested and approved by me, for the sake of angry babies everywhere!

Musings From a Day with Daddy

 What a grrrrrreat day! First, I slept in til 7:30, then went back to sleep until 10!  I know I know, I shouldn't make a habit of it or it will follow me through college.  Then, Daddy only had school til lunch, and he spent the whoooooole rest of the day with me! We washed the car together, went for a walk, and read lots and lots of books. I also got whiplash from being tossed around so much…it was awesome!!!! He also let me use his computer, which as you can see was a perfect fit. I had to do some stock trading…me and the e-trade baby are partners now. He said I’d make a cuter spokesman, and I must agree. Although I would like to know his secret for staying young…5 years of commercials and he doesn’t age a day! Maybe he has a special night cream. Aveeno Baby has created some amazing products lately. Although Johnson & Johnson’s naturals line is fantastic as well. I try to stick with natural products. Only the best to maintain this adorable face and figure! 

Latest Thrill

Today I wowed mommy with my latest talent…turning the pages of the books she reads to me. That’s right….I turn the pages of books all by myself, of my own volition, without encouragement from mommy. She thought it was a cute fluke the first time I did it. But when I did it again, and again, and again, she got super excited and made daddy come watch. So I didn’t do it anymore when he came downstairs. I don’t like to be put on display. Mommy is quite sad that she is the only one to have witnessed this skill, so maybe one day if daddy is super nice to me, I’ll show him too. Ya know, if parents are so sad to watch us “grow up so fast,” why do they get so excited about every new skill we acquire? As if they had something to do with it. Ha!

Drive-in Movie!

 

It’s my four month birthday! Actually that ended 30 minutes ago…I’ve had a looooong day. To celebrate my birthday, mom and dad took me to see The Avengers at the drive-in. Greatest way to see a movie EVER! However, I feel as though I missed out on a vital part of going to the drive-in - having a date.  Mom said I was too young to start dating, and when we saw this extremely cute girl only a few weeks younger than myself, mom wouldn't even let me talk to her!  The nerve.  With lack of company, I fell asleep about 10 minutes in. But the 10 minutes I did see were really great. My only complaint would be that they allow smoking there. HELLO!!!! Just because you have a disgusting, very harmful habit does not mean I should have to suffer! Did you know that second-hand smoke is just as harmful as smoking the cigarette yourself? Honestly, sometimes I really think growing up is a waste of time, because some grown-ups apparently got dumber with age….or maybe just ruder. And people say children are selfish…sheesh!

Grocery Gab

As soon as I start driving (legally I mean…sometimes I take the truck for a spin after the ’rents are asleep…Shhhhhh!), I am never ever ever ever ever going to go anywhere near a grocery store. I’m pretty sure mommy spends at least 8 hours a week doing something related to groceries…making the list, finding coupons, printing the coupons, looking at sales flyers, remaking the list, editing the list, organizing the list by stores and aisles, not to mention actually going to the stores (there‘s always at least two involved), buying the groceries, and then forcing me to wait for my meal so she can at least put the refrigerated ones away when we FINALLY get home. It’s RIDICULOUS! When I get married, I will not allow my children to be tortured by these monotonous trips.

And there’s always “that lady” every time we go to any and every store. You know the type…sweet, older, grandmotherly type that has to know everything about you. “Is he eating well? Oh my he’s so alert! Does he let you sleep? When are you going to start solids? Does he squirm when you change him yet? How does he like bath time?” Come on ladies! Those are some very personal questions. Yet while I’m sitting there in my harness trying my best not to show the annoyance I feel, mommy just answers them all! Then after embarrassing me to the max, she expects me to smile at these women. No! I will not do it! Ok maybe sometimes I do it because it makes her so happy. But most of the time I just stare. To which they usually say, “Oh what a sweeties, do you think I look funny or something?” Yes lady, I do….