Ready, Aim, Fire!!

    After months of having mommy and daddy get upset with me when I pee without my diaper on, I've reached the conclusion that the issue must be my aim. I'm quite certain they can't possibly be upset by such an adorable child merely doing what he can not help doing because he has not reached the age of being able to control his bladder, so it must be aim. So, for any of you who have also found your parental units to be, shall we say, less than understanding when it comes to this subject, here are a few tips to keep them pacified when you just have to go.
   1. Never intentionally turn toward a wall in an attempt to avoid hitting mom or dad.  While you'd think this would please them because you were trying to look out for them, it seems to frustrate them further. 
  2. Aim low.  If you should unfortunately shoot some one in the face, laugh quietly on the inside, and then look very very pitiful (bottom lip out in full force!); start crying IMMEDIATELY.  Not a loud obnoxious cry, but a heart-breaking, "wah, ah, ah, ah, ah" sort of cry.  They will be so consumed with figuring out why you are suddenly so sad, that they'll forget all about their pee-covered face...for a little while at least.
  3. Start talking to yourself any time your diaper is removed.  This way in case of any untimely potty incidents, they will see that you were not paying attention when it happened, and therefore could not have done it on purpose.
  4.  NEVER EVER EVER look them in the eye after the fact.  They view this is defiance, and I've noticed parents tend to not like defiant children.  (I know, this seems very unfair since they are so defiant themselves.  I mean they rarely do what you tell them to when you tell them to do it.  I usually have to repeat myself over and over and over again before it gets done.  Geez.)